“Life is only as complicated as you make it,” my mom would always say to me. My life has been great so far, then bad at times. But in retrospect my life may seem better than others. Although that may be the case, my life isn’t as perfect as it may appear. Being me I had to go through a father-less childhood with a “pop-up father”, brainless injuries, and horrifying memories.
I was born November 5, 1997, in San Pablo, California. My mother, Chablis, and father, Damon, never got along after my birth. Till this day my father isn’t in my life. My mother has always taken care of me and my other five siblings as we lived in Richmond, California at the time. As far as I can remember my childhood was amazing. Spending time with my family, enjoying the days as they passed was amazing. Having five other siblings didn’t always mean fun and excitement 24/7. There were times where we didn’t fancy each other’s company. I can remember the best time we had with each other, it was about seven years ago, December 25, Christmas was great that year. There were an abundance of gifts for and from everyone. We played with the toys for hours, all day long. That was the first time when it was one day of happiness that lasted the entire day.
We moved from Richmond over to Rodeo, California for quite some time. Rodeo was a small city, filled with violence and crime. In the part we lived in was safe from that though. I loved living in Rodeo, all my friends and a lot of my family were there. I remember how close we were to our neighbors, the Halloween parties that were thrown once a year down the street from our house. Rodeo always seemed to have something going. The only problem I found was it always seemed hot. I remember my father came to visit me one time when I was seven in Rodeo. He was looking for my mom and I had told him she was gone. He handed me a one dollar bill and left. That was the last time I saw my father, well at least in a happy way. With Facebook I could see what he was doing on a daily basis, but never tempted to address him directly over messaging. Filled with the fear of rejection probably kept me from doing so.
Remembering the bad times I had with my family wasn’t as easy as remembering the good. Most people don’t want to, but those are the memories that I remember the most. I remember playing on a bed with my brother LaFontae and my sisters Kiosha and Ma’Janae. For some reason there was a glass table below us and we had all seemed to ignore the sight of it. Advice for the future, “DON’T PLAY ON BED WITH GLASS TABLES BENEATH THEM!” Going back to the subject, we were playing around, rolling on the bed, jumping; keep in mind that this was a bunk bed. I was jumping high, touching the ceiling, feeling like I was tall. Then I slipped, falling off the bed onto the floor. Thinking I was alright, my sisters shrieked. Looking down I could see blood gushing out of my knee. I felt pain starting from my knee, moving down my leg and up my thigh. That’s when the water works began. Band-Aids were useless against this cut; it bled through about three bandages. Today I have this scar on my knee that looks like a keloid.
Another bad day consisted of me, family, and a water hose. One day my Aunt Belle and her daughter, Destiny, came over for a visit in Rodeo. It was sizzling hot that day, as it felt every day. So we decided to play outside with the water hose, I hated water at the time and my family knew it. Needing to use the bathroom I went, and then I came back down stairs and saw no one in the living room. Walking to the back door I could hear giggling and the water hose still running. I got to the back door and twisted the knob, stepped outside and was drowned with the water hose. Clearly still alive today, but I felt like I had died, it was the worst non-sensation ever. I couldn’t breathe and it felt like it lasted forever. They soon stopped after they could distinguish the tears from the water on my face. Now I know how to swim and enjoy the water from time-to-time. Still remembering the day they almost “murdered” me with a water hose.
Good times were a part of my everyday life too. Going back to the time I first visited Disney Land. It was six years ago and possibly the best time of my childhood. We packed a night before and put everything in the car. The morning light filled me with excitement because I knew that ahead lay Disney Land. I had never been to Disney Land, but always heard great things about it. I got up before everyone else and was ready in less than thirty minutes. When everyone started to wake up and get ready I just sat downstairs waiting for them to finish.
Everyone was done within the next hour or so, and then we all got in the car and drove off to Los Angeles. It took only five hours to get there, which was short because there wasn’t much traffic. Arriving we got there we checked into a hotel that was literally four minutes away from the theme park. That feeling of excitement rushed through me again. Finally entering the park we went on tons of rides, except rollercoasters for me. Rollercoasters terrified me, which was probably good since I was only seven. We stayed the next five days, which gave me plenty to go and talk to my friends about when I got home. They would no longer be the only ones who went to the best theme park ever. Now I love rollercoasters, I’ve tried many and look to try more in the future.
Growing up I had always asked myself who I was and who I wanted to be in the world. I was always concerned with what people thought of me, how I looked in other peoples’ eyes, and if I was interesting enough. Living with these questions made me lose self-confidence and become socially awkward. It made it hard to make friends because I always felt that they didn’t want to be around me because of my flaws. Knowing how far I’ve come in my life though, even without everything that someone else may have, has made me see that my falls, father-loss childhood, and horrifying memories only adds to the person I am becoming. Becoming me has been anything but easy. Looking forward to the future is now my main object of concern.
Courtney from Study Moose
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