When in the course of Earthly existence, it becomes necessary for Individuals to dissolve the bonds of Acceptable Fashion as dictated by the Fashionable People, who were declared Fashionable by their own Selves, and who seek to impose on Others the standards of What Is Fashionable as were crafted by their very Selves and approved by the Same, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind and particularly Womankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.
We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Clothes are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Qualities, that among these are Intrinsic Beauty apart from ephemeral trends, Functionality, and the pursuit of Comfort. That while our Constitution guarantees the Freedom of Speech of every Individual, including that of the Fashionable People, the selfsame Constitution guarantees others’ Freedom Not To Listen. Prudence indeed will dictate that Individuals not wear clothing that will disturb others’ Peace of Mind, so that Mankind shall live in Harmonious coexistence.
But when Individuals’ Acceptance into the Society of which they are Members by Nature, is Threatened by Despotic standards on What To Wear and What Not To Wear, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to ignore such Standards, and to provide Guards for their right to Wear Whatever and still be Accepted. Such has been the patient Sufferance of Individuals deemed Unfashionable by self-styled Authorities. The History of Fashionable People is a History of Contradictions and Silliness, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over people’s Wardrobes.
To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World. They have alternately and cyclically praised and denounced skinny jeans, checked shirts, big T-shirts and platform shoes, among Others. They would snub brave Individuals who wear Garments that do not Conform but nevertheless provide Comfort, but they would Laud supposedly stylish stars who in truth look Horrendous. They put out Best Dressed Lists and Worst Dressed Lists, where people from different Lists wear uncannily similar Outfits. They tout as High Fashion clothes that are Unwearable anywhere but the runway.
They demand that Others dress as they do or dictate in Order to Fit In, but they do not consider dressing as the Others, thereby placing the Burden of Unity solely on one Segment of Society. In every stage of these Oppressions we have petitioned for Redress, literally: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated Snobbery. We, therefore, the Representatives of the Others, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People judged Outcasts for preferring to Wear garments outside the current evanescent Standards of Fashion, solemnly Publish and Declare, That All Humans have the unalienable Right to Wear Whatever.
And for the support of this Declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Wardrobes, and our sacred Polyester. Signed by ORDER and in BEHALF OF THE OUTCASTS-NO-MORE __________________, PRESIDENT. Works Cited “United States Declaration of Independence. ” Wikisource. 6 October 2008. 21 October 2008 < http://en. wikisource. org/wiki/United_States_Declaration_of_Independence>