Everyone has asked at point in their lives; who am I? Everyone will go through great lengths to figure out exactly that answer. Because of that no topic in psychology today is more heavily researched than self (Myers, D.G., 2012). These feelings come about for a number of reasons. We develop a number of feelings for reasons that are related to group dynamics, genetics perhaps, and social influence. There are so many influences on the relationships that we develop.
There are so many awesome qualities about me I’m honest, very giving, independent and opinionated; however being opinionated can be a blessing and a curse. Growing up I remember being in trouble so much because of my mouth. I was the type of child that needed to get my point across and I was going to get out whatever it was that I needed to say! My mother told me several times lately that she admires my courage when it comes to saying what’s on my mind; she hated it when I was growing up but she respects it now because she holds back a lot afraid to speak up. Knowing that I am extremely opinionated I have to be careful sometimes about the way that I say things to other people. This is because what I say may be without malicious intent however it could come off that way if it’s not carefully expressed! I am so opinionated that I will solicit my opinion to anyone with being asked to solicit it. Especially when it comes to my little sister; she thinks that I’m being hard on her but I tell her all the time; the day I have nothing to say be worried, I talk because I care! This brings me to being such a giving individual I would give my heart if I was able to continue to live. I have given my last to so many and I expect absolutely nothing in return. I have learned that there is no greater lesson in life than the one of being able to give. I am the type of person who will go through my son, daughter, finance and my own closets just to see what they are no longer wearing to give it away to someone else who can actually use it. I want to set great examples to my children I want them to pay if forward too; but I want them to also know the difference between being a giving person and being an idiot! This brings me to my independence in life. I am such a strong minded person, very level headed so I know what I want and I know exactly what I need to do to get to where I need to be, by myself! My mother loves the independence in me but she hates the reasoning behind why I’m so independent. That reason would be because I don’t want to end up like her she’s so dependent on my stepfather that she has absolutely nothing on her own! Her first car came from him; the first time she moved into her own place was because of him, the new house the clothes on her back, the shoes on her feet, down to the food she eats. I don’t want that for myself in any way. My fear is that if I allow someone to do anything in any form for me that they will throw it in my face later. While my mother admires this quality about me my fiancé hates it so much. He’s constantly fighting me not because he has nothing else to do but because he wants to do more. However along with the fear of having what was done thrown in my face another fear is to allow myself to comply with someone else doing something for me and they aren’t able to later than I feel like I set myself up for failure. This aspect of my life is revolved around issues of trust in my opinion. I know that I have trust issues I am always afraid of being hurt in some way whether it be because I was let down or because my heart was broken. My world is great and everything is exactly the way it should be until someone else tries to help. This is what one would call self-serving bias. Self-serving bias plays an extremely major part of mine and anyone else’s life we would all love to believe we’re a super hero all of the time, but when something goes wrong have you ever you ever seen the super hero take the blame? Never that is the sidekick’s job! The concept of self-serving bias has opened my eyes up to taking more responsibility for my own actions and stop using the actions of others to feel better about a situation that has gone wrong. This is why now I feel that I have an internal locus of control I believe that I am what influence the ripple effect of the events of my life. My actions have reaction weather I like the reactions or not they are still because of me and no one else!
Attitudes and feelings
Confirmation bias influences the perception of yourself and the people around me because we all want what we believe to be true! Take this for example my mother doesn’t very much care for my fiancé she doesn’t really have a reason, because he does everything that he is supposed to do and more sure we have an argument here and there but to her it’s abusive. So she says thing like this; “See I told you he doesn’t care about anyone but himself, look at how he speaks to you he doesn’t care.” I explain to her that it’s unfair to say that about him especially when things were said in the heat of the moment. Confirmation bias can destroy you because you are always looking for the next thing to support your beliefs. My sister thought that her husband was cheating with my cousin, (this was not true) so everything that my brother in law and cousin did together it was inappropriate and because they were sleeping together. I tried so many times to tell her that they weren’t sleeping with one another but she had it in her head that they were so much that she actually pushed them together (self-fulfilling prophecy). She pushed and pushed so much that the untrue theory became true. I was hurt for her when this happened because these beliefs ended up generating their own confirmation. Behaviors influence attitude in so many ways, each day of my life behaviors influence my attitude. My step brother for example to me his behavior is very perverted is says things about my little sisters that he should not referencing the rear ends and other parts of their bodies as well as mine extremely inappropriate this behavior influences my attitude towards him because I don’t trust him as a result, I don’t want him around any of our sisters, or my infant daughter, I don’t even trust him around my son! My attitude toward him is extremely negative and I hate when he’s around.
Another way that behavior affect attitude is through imitating your parents because the attitudes and beliefs of your parents have a strong impact on your life later. The topic of exhibiting the behavior of my parents brings me to gender roles. Our gender roles are defined by our own conceptions of being a male or female. Social influence:
In certain situations I am willing to conform to a degree, but I am not willing to conform completely for an entire group to make it easier on the group. I enjoy being an individual I never want to blend in with the crowd I always want to stand out. I know this because at work there are so many groups of people who only want to hang out with that group of people they are all so caught up with who’s doing what and why that they completely lose focus of why we are even at work in the first place. I on the other hand don’t feel that I have the time for that it’s childish so I am all about my work and nothing else! When our Post Master comes around they will all scrabble to go back to work or act as if they are working so that they won’t get into trouble! A person of authority influences obedience because the authority figure has the power to discipline.
The foot in the door technique is one that is used in my profession a lot when the new comers come on to the job a co-worker will began to ask for small favors and those small favors turn into large favors. I have used this technique in new relationships to see just how far I can get him to go for me. I will change in the presence of others depending on who the person is if it’s an elder I won’t swear, if it’s a younger group of my peers I will relax more but it really depends on the group. When working with groups there are always slackers in the group they do the least expecting the same amounts of credit. This is something that I have struggled with in school and in work because it’s completely unfair to the group. This is called being lazy and being lazy is completely unattractive.
Factors that attract me to someone are whether or not they are intellectually stimulating to me, smart, fun loving, easy going, handsome, tall, and has a great sense of humor. That’s not to say that what’s attractive to me is attractive to the next person. Just because they are attractive doesn’t mean that everything is going to be great there may be some conflict and in resolving conflict you must talk it out, speaking on your concerns and try using the I exercise saying how you feel as oppose to the blame game because no one will be receptive to that!
Courtney from Study Moose
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