Petersen breaks down the book in five parts . He starts off with part one the value of of communication balancing: listing awhile , talk until the other person stops hearing , Listen until the person calms enough to hear again. He furthers this in a another chapter. He then moves on to the Flat-brain theory . He uses diagrams to explain the different levels of Stomach functions which is where the our emotions are located . This area is were we experience our inner nudges . He also explains how the heart functions , the heart functions as a filter it gives and receives concerns , suggestions, and support. The next function is the head. The functions of the head is thinking, planning , remembering.
The next couple of chapters begin to talk about he goes into a deeper understanding of the the flat brain theory until he reaches the flat- brain syndrome where he talks about how our brains function better in a short football shape. However when our brains are squished it creates a serious defect in our head fiction.he continues to talk about this concept . Part two starts off with the talker listener process taking turns talking and listening. This can and will determine the role of talker or listener. The talker-listener card was introduced and we were provided a actual card to put to use in our personal time. The purpose of this card is to create an atmosphere and role of each persons involved.
The card provides instructions on when to talk and when to listen this the opportunity of the talker to without being interrupted and the listener to be attentive to what the talker is talking about. Chapters 8 through 15 go deeper in depth of the talker- listener card and its many functions from the talker prescriptive and the listener prescriptive. Part Three Petersen highlights the six communication traps, 1. Ritual listening, 2.Perry Masons( which made me chuckle ) 3. Why? 4. Not?5. I understand, he goes in depth to help the reader understand the difference between the five communications traps. He also talks about when trying new things and some of the thoughts that come long with that .
When trying new skills you always have negative reactions such as: To much repetition grates, new skills often sound fake, friends and family co-worker get rattled by change. He further part three by discussing basic listening technique . He uses technique such as : para-feeling ( putting the talker’s feelings into your words), decoding . He futhers the conversation of why we don’t listen better in part five Where you can use TLC( talker-listener card) in group settings . The TLC card can help aide through difficult discussion as well help moderate a two person conversation . In conclusion in part five he states “ how if you go beyond skill to increase empathy, genuineness and warmth you’ll tap into reservoir of healthy humanness that’ll out wheels on your technique( Pg 210).
I remember growing up and my mother would ask me “ how are you? what are thinking about?” I would have such a difficult time in expressing my feelings. I felt like when no one really cared about me , and my thoughts. In chapter eleven Petersen talks about the first talker goal: sharing your feelings. I immediately become more in tune with what I was reading. I recently had an encounter with a very close friend and she made the statement: Kia you listen to everyone else’s problems but you never seem to open as easy as we do to you. That’s unfair to us as friends. I thought to myself I trust them as friends but sometimes its easier for me to keep my thoughts to my self .
However from reading this chapter I understand that it hinders my communication not only with my friends but with others . It puts a stumbling block on me to be open and receptive. So I went back to that friend and we went to dinner and I used skittles as props; we sat down and for every skittle in my hand I had to share my feelings or thoughts on questions she had or asked. I can honestly say that just by having this little prop it open the door and I was able to release so much that I was holding back from her. I now see the difference of talking and listening she listened attentively and this allowed me to be honest and not feel judged by
her or her actions. REFLECT!
Honestly the thought that popped in my head as I was reading this book was our relationship with Christ. I have said this before but it seems to be more imperative . We often talk to Christ and we tell Him all the troubles of our lives and how we need this or we need that.However we often neglect the fact that Christ has to something to say to us. I started to reflect on the stories of Jonah , Moses. They did not want to recognize the many clues that was present to them throughout their walk so it took spectacular things to happen to them before they got the message. Isn’t like God to speak to us In the loudest moments of our lives. In those times of anger and frustration and we miss the mark because we are so loud internally.
He took Jonah inside of the fishes belly in order to get the message to him . It took a burning bush to get Moses attention and it took me reading this book ; to recognize that internally I’m so loud that I need to learn how to calm myself down and others to experience me. Could it be that God has to extreme measures sometimes for me to stop and recognize Him? I often am on the go and pray on the go but I have recognize that in the moments when I feel like giving up or fighting or screaming He speaks quietly and calms my mind , soul, and spirit. He speaks often I guess the question is how much are we really listening ?Silence keeps you bound , talking gets you free, listening brings understanding!
Some of the techniques that I plan on using are the Talker- Listener card . I plan using this in my personal life ,when I have arguments and as well as in just simple conversations when trying to come to an agreement. I believe that this strategy will be helpful in my prayer time . The concept of talking and listening and really allowing God to minster to me as I minster to Him.
Another technique I will use and will keep visuals of is the balancing scale of the emotions, heart, judgement or thoughts. Remembering the scale will help balance my conversations in the future especially when it comes to a misunderstanding. I really thank Petersen because I am a visual learner and the pictures put what he was saying in perceptive for me. Another technique that is really important to is remembering the pointing finger. In many conversations I often use my hands to communicate how I’m feeling . After reading this section of the book I understand how my hands and fingers can seem more offensive then helping . I will remember this and will try to not use my hands as much in explaining my feelings. I plan incorporating the talker- listener card in my youth groups and after school programs. Teaching our youth to the stages of communication now .
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