According to John Gray, men and women completely differ in their style of communication which corroborates the illusion that they are from different planets. However, their communications style differs and they work and be trained to become accustomed to these communication perspectives to live and work together in harmony. Women are more emotional than men and hence men used to mock the girls irrelevance talks. Actually women are termed as a weaker sex as they always want men to respect to their feelings more particularly about relationships, other personal problems and about family matters.
In such matters, women expect that men will respect their feelings by extending emotional support and understanding. Relationships end in catastrophic disaster when each other does not understand each feelings and emotions. When the relationship ends in serious disaster, the women have to understand that man is completely diverse from everything and she has not accustomed to and tried to adapt to the differences in her relationship. Communication between men and women are so diverse that it takes many years for a complete understanding in a relationship.
Even insignificant resemblance in communication style that binds a couple together while one tries to iron out the larger differences. In ordinary life, it is an established fact that men wants to be respected and women wish to know whether they are being truly loved by men. A successful couple is one who is able to achieve this and in such cases no doubt, good communication will be the end result. Thus, John Gray’s assertion that men and women are from different planets in terms of communications is really a convincing one. Thus, communication between men and women are pursued through two languages.
The male language is used as a general warning that he is in a cave or on his path to the cave. Gray here uses cave to describe the ways and means men use to iron out their differences or to deal with an issue. When men face some problem, they wish to be alone or in his cave in complete solitude. [Gray, 1993, p. 22]. However, the reaction of a women will be completely different if they face with issues and when communicating with their spouse. As per Gray, women employ metaphors, superlative and poetic licenses to express their feelings.
Moreover, there are chances that men may misunderstood this poetic licenses expressed by women. [Gray. 1993, p. 17]. It is the exact scenario where men and women ignore to appreciate the exact significances of the each other expressions and due to this, Gray has introduced Venusians / Martian dictionary in his book. This dictionary could be much help to iron out these misunderstandings in associations and relationships. According to Gray, men and women communicate in different languages and hold opposing views.
Many common people are of the view that Gray’s metaphor is having more relevance and match their very own experiences on the subject. According to Gray, women have to gain knowledge of men before fostering a successful companionship. [Gray, 1993. p. 21]. Likewise, when men are disturbed or strained, they automatically keep silent and return to their cave to sort the things out. [Gray, 1993, p. 21]. Women at this juncture understood that his spouse wants to be alone to sort out things by himself without her interruption.
Further, Gray is of the view that there is a need for men to know that women like to share and communicate things through in a more non-solution and in a complex way. [Gray, 1993, p. 35]. There is a complete need on the part of men to aware that women also long that their feelings and emotions are to be honored when they are upset, depressed and troubled and it is duty of the men to make her more comfort and to assuage her feelings in such scenarios. [Gray, 1993, p. 35]. As Gray details it, his book is for the people who wish to have an appreciative feature of gender associated with their counseling.
Gray’s objective is to assist women to appreciate men and to take the ignominy out by counseling and by assisting men to have a more constructive approach to therapy as ‘even healthy relationships need a counselor. Gray longs to be a worldwide translator between Venusians and Martians. He has not indulged in the argument that one is superior to the other but stresses that they are dissimilar. Thus, Gray summarizes his views: “It is time to appreciate and authenticate gender variances. Do not try to change the attitude of one’s partner.
Men have to seize the situation and understand and women should acknowledge and appreciate the things which men does and if he feel appreciated, he will no doubt listen. Gray is of the view that even though the customary function of contributor and nurturer may be often changing, women and men still have fundamental hormonal variances. However, due to rapid transformation, women have crossed over in the man’s world and hence the two worlds have come together now. If one has great appreciation of how these people in different world imagine and act, one will have a real harmony but not a friction.
According to Gray, men and women have varied and complimentary emotional requirements. One can define a man’s sense of self through his capability to get results while a female’s sense of self is explained through her feelings and eminence of her relationships. Hence, women expect that her feeling shall have to be respected and honored while men demand that his feelings have to be appreciated and respected. Gray is of the opinion that rubber band theory well explains the metaphor of male intimacy cycle.
As men experience the need for autonomy or independence, they draw away as rubber bond do when it is stretched to the limit. Men will pull back with power and spirit as rubber band do if they are given opportunity to move back to their positions or caves. If women demand that men should be intimate and close all of the time, they will become flaccid and limp, by losing their power and strength. [Gray, 1993, p. 35]. Gray book emphasizes diverse of theory. Gray could not able to offer no more plausible explanation other than his planet metaphor on men and women relationships.
Gray tries to illustrate the basic differences that exist in men and women characteristics. Gray has cited examples like men disgust to demand for directions as it would put them down while women not at all prefer it. Men longs to talk in public as an exposure of their sound knowledge remains mum at home whereas women tries to express their feelings in home rather than in public places as their main objective of their intimacy. CONCLUSION: The reader of the book will understand that men and women communicate in different languages and hold opposing views.
Readers will appreciate that Gray’s metaphor is having more relevance and match their very own experiences on the subject. No doubt, communication plays very significant role in men and women relationship. If one tries to honor and respect the feelings of spouse, there will not any marital issues at all. I would recommend that all who in the phase of establishing relationship and those are already tied their marital knots should read the book to lead a pleasant, happy married life. The readers of the book will understand that “It is time to appreciate and authenticate gender variances.
Do not try to change the attitude of one’s partner. Men have to seize the situation and understand and women should acknowledge and appreciate the things which men does and if he feel appreciated, he will no doubt listen. Gray is of the view that difference between men and women are consistent and are of more biological and natural. Thus, Gray book seems to emphasize and respect the male and female differences.
Gray, John. . Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: A Practical Guide For Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Relationships. HarperCollins
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Topic: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus
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