Growing up children are surrounded with a fairy tale life, the ‘happily ever after. ’ As girls we are supposed to wait for our prince charming and he will love us forever; and for boys it is finding and rescuing a beautiful princess who can cook, clean, and is loved by all creatures. That is what marriage is based off of as a child, but that perspective changes once we get a small grasp of the concept of love and we really see what marriage is. Marriage is not something anyone goes into lightly and maybe our expectations of the fairy tale life are why divorce is so commonly sought.
There are many reason whys people get married; for love, money, status or because it is the ‘right’ thing to do. For those who marry for love, it is because you share common ground with the other person. They will become your other half as they will have the same beliefs, passions and values as you. After dating and being together for a while we learn that marriage and children are next on the check list. So the marriage is set and a ceremony held and they live ‘happily ever after’, but what most couples do not grasp after they are married is that there is not a sense of pure individualism any more.
When married what is mine is yours and yours is mine. There are no longer ‘his’ or ‘her’ problems; they evolve into ‘us’ problems. Hence these individual problems root into a bigger problem- communication. When couples are able to talk they are likely to solve their problems, but disagreements due to the lack of communication can often lead to arguments. Not being able to communicate can be simply caused by the differences of being a male and female, but if the couple wants to move forward in their lives together and be able to relate to each other, than learning how to converse is important.
When we do not feel understood, we react, whether it is silently, verbally, or with action; but not once does it occur to us that the other person is also trying to be understood. Thus the relationship will continue in a cycle of poor communication leading in most likely a divorce. Communication is important in all relationships regardless if the relationship is intended for love or other personal gains. Some males and females try to cash in by being greedy and choosing to get married for money; when they choose a partner that they can depend on for life.
Most of victims are singers, self-employed businessmen/women, actresses, or elder rich singles. Although they may not be forced into the marriage, these wealthy persons are unaware of the ulterior motives of their partner. The effect of marrying only for love is the eventual unfold of the lies and deceits of the particular partner. Another effect is if that rich person loses their wealth, the outcome is all the same. Depending if the person lost wealth or the ‘victim’ finds out the true motive of the relationship they will most likely divorce this person and continue on their search for true love or money.
Another reason why a couple would get married is because it is ‘the right thing to do’, which usually means that there is a child out of wedlock. The purpose of getting married for a child is so that the child will get the right idea; fall in love, get married, have a child. Another objective is that the couple who is not necessarily in love is trying to build love from this child/union. The outcome of this method is that the child ends up driving the couple apart, because of the demand and needs.
The primary care taker cannot be solely committed to their lover because the child needs attention and care for their own well-being. If one person feels there is not enough attention they might be unfaithful and/or just leave. Trying to build love in a relationship where time is precious and cannot be spent just between the two people is extremely hard and most of those relationships fall through because there will be a lack of commitment. There are many reasons why people choose to get married and the outcome of those reasons depends solely on the level of commitment and how well the couple interacts with each other.
Growing up with the ideal that there is a Prince charming or a beautiful damsel in distress and living ‘happily ever after’ is not a realistic approach to a marriage, for marriages take more work than what appears. There is a level of trust, honesty, and most importantly communication that needs to be met in order for it to be successful, but unfortunately in these times where people have been accustomed to shotgun weddings, the divorce happens just as fast.
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Topic: Marriage – Cause and Effect
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