I would like to start out by saying congratulations on your recent engaged and heard you are looking for some advice for your relationship. I would like this opportunity to tell you more about the following throughout the letter. Frist I will describe the process by which self-concept is developed and maintained. Second I will give you some strategies for active, critical, and empathetic listening. Third, Then we will discuss how words have the power to create and affect attitudes, behaviors, & perception. Fourth I will define emotional intelligence and its role in effective interpersonal relationships. And last but not least Fifth we will discuss how self-concept and defensive and supportive messages and behaviors create positive and negative communication climates.
So, first off, it has been studied by many philosophers that self-concept starts pretty much at birth. Your self-concept is what people around you tell you about yourself and it is your outlook on all of your own attributes. Your self-concept usually stays with you for the rest of your life, it all depends on you. If you have a high self-concept then the people around you will see how you feel about yourself, and treat you as how you feel, well most of the time they will. The people around you can see how you feel about yourself by your body language and how you carry yourself, it is maintained throughout the rest of your life as long as you keep feeling good about yourself.
If you have a low self-concept and the people around you have done nothing but put you down all of your life, there is a good possibility that you can bring that low self-concept into your relationship and bring you partner down with you. It could also cause a whole lot of stress on you relationship. So try to make sure that if you have low self-concept work on bringing that up about yourself and know that YOU are the one that is engaged to your partner no one else. Your partner can also help you with this by reminding you of why they picked you. Not every day and not always by telling you. There are always little things that they can do that will help you become more self-confident in who you are.
Now I am going to give you some strategies for active, critical, and empathetic listening. There are many strategies for active, critical, and empathetic listening. You can start out by keeping eye contact with a speaker, if you ask any questions make sure that you restate they key point to let the speaker know that you were listening and understood what they were trying to say. For the empathetic listening you also always make sure you keep eye contact and constantly make sure that the speaker knows that you feel where they are coming from. For example to let them know that you were listening you can repeat that one vary important thing that they may have said. Like “ So you do not like it when I put my hair brush on the vanity other than in the cabinet.”
If you do not have these strategies for listening in your relationship it is easily mistaken for you are not listening to that person. And it could cause many arguments over something that could have been prevented due to the fact of you facial expressions and body language. Always try and keep eye contact and restate the message so you all know that you are on the same page. It will be a lot less stressful on you both and your relationship. Some days it may seem like silly little things that you or your partner want to talk about, but those silly little things are what can start arguments if you are not really listening to what they are saying. These are the things that can cause most relationships to fall apart.
Words can a have a huge affect on people, all depending on your tone of voice and your body language. For instance the word “AND”, depending on how you use that word it could affect the other person’s attitude or even perception to what you are trying to say. Here is an example of how a conversation could have a negative outcome. ”Well, I have some good new AND…” Many people look at the word “AND” and feel that it is a negative word that something bad is fixing to be said. The other word that can get one is also the word “SO”, we sometimes think as “SO” as a bad word or as one of the words that make us want to pull back into a safe pace or even become offensive when we hear the word “SO”.
I would recommend that you should never start out a conversation with the word “AND” or use the word “BUT” following too far behind due to the fact of the way that people look at it which is negative and can cause a whole lot of stress on the other person in the conversation. You do not want to have that sort of stress and negative approach in your relationship with each other or anyone else. It will keep the impatients and frustration out of the air for a better relationship for the both of you. You also never want to start your conversation with “I love you BUT. This will have the other person thinking that really bad stuff is about to happen and no one wants that to be the case.
Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that can be learned. Understanding emotions and how people express them is very important in interpersonal relationships because people who are aware of others emotions and are sensitive to emotions are able to deal with life’s ups and downs. They will also have a better self-concept, and look at others with care. You want to try to be aware of the way that your partner is feeling and try to put yourself in there shows, there will always be a time that you are going to wish that they would better understand what you are going through. These are also the times when you can talk to them and try to get a better understanding of what they are going through. Just remember to not be pushy and let their body language tell you when they are ready to really talk about what is going on in their life. Theses time will also give you an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and talk about things that make you each who you are.
Your self-concept or self-image can make a huge impact on others. If you behave in a positive manner and give supportive messages than people will be able feel positive themselves and not have as bad of a self-concept. If you were to give a negative behavior or say something that sounds negative it can cause your communication with that person seem to take the negative road. You want to take the time to help bust your partner’s self-image by leaving them little notes on the things that you like about them. One of the best paces that you can leave them a note is in their lunch bag, on a morrow, in the car, or even a memo in their phone to go off at some random time of the day.
I hope that after each of you have read this letter, it soon helps you to both work on your communication skills with each other and can improve your relationship more than what it already is. I also hope that this will help you thorough the planning and all that come after the wedding. There is always time to talk to one another. Communications is one of the prime parts of having a good relationship and is what helps it stay healthy for years to come.
Alarez, J. (1990). Self Concept. Found in http://social.jrank.org/pages/554/Self-Concept.html Hoope, M. (2006). Active Listening: Improving your ability to listen and lead. Found in http://site.ebrary.com/lib/ashford/docDetail.action?docID=10193835&p00=active%20listening%20skills Sole, K. (2011). Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc. found in https://content.ashford.edu/books/AUCOM200.11.1/sections/sec3.1