When one talks of hooking up, what comes to the mind is whether it is going to be kissing, heavy petting or something more in terms of sex and things that come before intercourse. College students are always in constant conversation about sexual triumphs. Students talk about having an awesome time with that beautiful girl or just about doing nothing much except only hooking up. To the listener of such experiences hook ups may appear to be only a few wet kisses while they may also be a means of saying that something happened without going into the details of the extent to which they went sexually.
The days of dating whereby picking a girl for a Saturday night outing are now almost over and daters seek much more excitement. During the 1950s hooking up implied sitting at the malt shop with one’s sweet heart, and having a sexual relationship before marriage was ruled out. But now a typical outing with a date would entail picking a destination for a party, drinking with friends and finally making way towards the main event of intimacy and sex. During a night out the initial actions imply greeting fellow peers and then splitting up into pairs and that is when the hook up begins.
The phrase of hooking up is increasingly becoming popular in transforming the meaning of romance. Courting has been transformed into a creeping practice that now finds females wishing that dating should become more typical instead of becoming extinct. Hooking up has now come to define the sexual relationships between the majority of young men and women including teens. Since hooking up can imply any thing from touching and kissing to oral sex and intercourse, a young girl can easily get away with saying that she hooked up with some one without any body knowing to what extent she had gone.
The advantage being that it protects the person from the charge of a specific behavior while making him a participant at the same time. Girls in particular are emotional in many ways about hook ups and do in fact expect the guy to call or text in furthering a relationship. When the guy does not initiate further contact the girl too gives the impression of not caring any longer and such denials result in the relationship to have become unhooked. Hence hookups are typically characterized with the ability to be unhooked at any time.
A considered advantage of hooking up in today’s fast culture especially for females is to be able to emotionally unhook from a previous partner. Girls are known to conjure up feelings from casual hook ups also, whether they wish to or not. Resultantly many young girls delay dating and marriage in view of the fallout from becoming unhooked. Such tendencies also make many young women pick up bad habits by way of not having sustained relationships on a long term basis and therefore are not committed in love.
They consequently are unable to share and trust and cannot disagree and make up in relationships. Becoming unhooked for such women entails a lot of difficulties in terms of emotional disturbance, alcohol abuse and depression. Unlike boys, girls have the tendency to become disturbed after hook ups. Dating has now gone completely off board in being replaced by group outings that ultimately result in informal encounters. Oral sex is not considered to be a sexual activity amongst most youngsters and sexual relationships are not considered to be in the context of a meaningful relationship.
Most girls believe in having controlled hook ups that give them control over their schedules and emotions which provide them with the freedom to give due importance to career and school work. But girls often mistake such freedom to empowerment in relating it to women’s liberation. Early intimacy among teens takes its toll in terms of emotional, social and physical complications in pointing to the reality gap between commonly held perceptions of adults and normative sexual behavior among youth.
The need thus arises for parents to become aware of the problems associated with such practices that are now gaining ground at a fast pace. Although sexual permissiveness amongst the youth is not new but what is worrisome is the fact that the regularity and casualness with which hook ups are taking place amongst strangers and friends in public places and groups is an eye opener since it matters a lot in terms of the future of these youngsters. According to Stephen G.
Wallace, (2005) “With sexual activity being reported by one-quarter of middle school students and almostntwo-thirds of high school students, related disease and illness have been called epidemic. And the psychological outfall isn’t far behind”. However all relationships relating to hooking up are not pretty. More often than not they lead to half friendships depression and heartaches. A lot of people fall in love and meet their life partners and end up in a life long relationship but that does not mean everybody.
Most youngsters in this regard go for dating, kiss and have relationships but they just kiss too much and suffer the adversities in ending up with what is called the gravedigger’s remorse. This is in the nature of being a perpetual cycle that college boys and girls go through in making it the hook up culture. It is also considered to be convenience in being the no strings attached sex that is becoming increasingly popular. Alexandra Shahady (2009) has narrated that “a study done “at James Madison University, published in the Journal of Sex Research, found that 86 percent of women and 88 percent of men have had a hook-up.
Of those, these students believe that the average person is more sexually liberal than they consider themselves, which the study attributes to pluralistic ignorance – similar to the “everyone’s doing it” attitude”. Hooking up has considerably reduced the intensity and value attached to a healthy and loving relationship thus leading to deterioration in moral values. The present status of hooking up has stooped so low that for men it connotes that the woman required a relationship while women look at it as men wanting more sex.
Hence the sensitivity of a relationship is entirely missing. There is lack of trust with the sole motive being to have a temporary relationship for short term enjoyment. Youngsters have to realize the value and importance of a loving bond that can come only if there is a committed relationship by way of mutual trust and understanding which is not possible with hooking up. Intimacy is essential especially for the young in order to have a grasp of their identity and personality so as to bring about a firm sense of the self for engaging in a non exploitative and trusting relationship.
Identity can be established only by developing purpose and values, self love, self knowledge, choice and judgment. This kind of intimacy enables a maturing self amongst the partners in regard to emotions, intellect and morality. Intimacy also entails mutual commitments and boundaries between partners. On the flip side hooking up is a risky drama in reflecting a culture that is gradually losing the strength in helping young adults and youth to form their individual identities. Genuine intimacy in fact involves more than just engaging in fleeting acts and risky sexual encounters.
The decision to reject hooking up will imply that a person has reclaimed the importance of sex as a means to share intimacy with another, in addition to caring for the partner and for oneself in framing a strong bond of relationship. References Shahady Alexandra, When hooking up leads to gravedigger’s remorse, http://www. uwire. com/Article. aspx? id=3782688, Accessed on 14. 3. 09 Stephen G. Wallace, Hooking Up, Losing Out: The New Culture of Teen Sex, 2005, http://www. sadd. org/oped/opedpdfs/HookingUp. pdf Accessed on 14. 3. 09