I stand here before your grave, I came alone. I wish I gave your eulogy in front of others while you died from old age but no one came to your funeral., while reflecting on the past few days that I’ve spent here at home. I have prepared my speech hopping to express the pain I am in. Firstly I am ashamed and disappointed that my own father would do such a thing. Mum told us that you have tried to take your life many times before but it never occurred to us that you would actually succeed to do so. You’re a fool! You were always so delusional, thinking back at the night when I told you that I am not as perfect as you thought I was, no one is. Here I stand, above you in so much grief. You thought it will all get better. We haven’t touched any of the insurance money mum has just left the stack and hid it in order to pay for the house expenses. Despite what you would’ve thought. I don’t want an office job, clearly I am meant for the field so I am returning back home.
The reality is father you never really understood, did you? Looking back on your ideals that you’ve taught us success is not achieved by being liked. Playing football, encouraging us to lose weight… Where you kidding with us? Honestly if you only put a bit of effort to actually trying to be a better salesman, maybe things would’ve turned out differently. You were never confidence, determination, hard work, pride… qualities which should’ve come with your job description. Obviously you weren’t the person started with the clothes on his back and ended up with diamond mines. You told us that we didn’t need to work hard, in fact I clearly remember you telling Ben that its “It’s who you know and the smile on your face and contacts” with others that are important in life. Guess what, father?
The insurance money can only pay for so little. You’re a fool. Why did this matter to you so much. You were caught up so much in your ideas about success and wealth that you ignored all the other things in life like our happiness, our family. By what you did you only made us more disappointed. I hate you for what you did, you as a father were meant to guide us to the right path, support us through our troubles, you failed father even when you think you haven’t as you lie under this piece of dirt thinking that you won back your pride by providing us fanantical support, you still have not succeeded. But still rest in peace; this will be my last and only goodbye. I will never come back here again as I go off to another place where I could go. One thing for sure though, I will not let you down, I will work hard at my job with sweat, endless determination and finally without using the insurance money which is stained.