It’s been three years since that ghastly night, it shaped me into what I am now, not being comfortable around the countless people in the street had become a part of me, from a simple walk from my work place to my house makes me unusually un-ease knowing that even though you might have done nothing wrong, there might be someone out to get you. Somebody should have told her, right at the beginning of her life, that she would die so young, so that she could live her life to the full and knowing that her life would end in an abrupt way, but watching it happen, right in front of me changed everything in my life, it changed how I felt about people and left me traumatized.
Amy and I where co-workers at the same bank and it was a typical cold night in London. When we left the staff party the streets where already abandoned, looking at my watch, time had passed and it was already nearly 2 o’clock in the morning. Looking at the street the city lights stand out like a busy constellation of streets and houses, quiet but beautiful. It’s impossible to make sense of, except for the main strip which is a single mound of coloured, noisy light. I like that the lights don’t seem to get dimmer as they get farther away. They only get smaller and smaller until they slip behind the bends at the end of the road. It was a rare sight, even though I lived there, I had never admired the beauty of the muted main street and was lost in its marvel. Walking to my car, I almost didn’t realise I was there, lost in my own thoughts I had remained silent all throughout the walk, as if I was scared that I might have disturbed the city’s slumber.
I said bye to Amy as she got into her car, and I crossed the road and got into mine and put my seatbelt on and was ready to leave. Everything was still so silent but among the silence an approaching sound of a car that got louder and louder every second, I hadn’t given it any notice until I heard a piercing sound as it passed by Amy’s car, a bullet. Everything happened so quickly I didn’t even get a glimpse of the car; the one that passed had already left my sight. I looked at Amy’s car and the window was shattered and she was nowhere to be seen, I was so shocked my whole body started shaking and as I fumbled with my seatbelt I opened my car door and rushed to her car, and there she lay, on both seats with blood dripping from her head I opened her car door with panicked hands and grabbed hers and checked for her pulse, and to my great dismay, I felt nothing but the shivers of my own hand.
I started shouting but all of my efforts were to no avail. Everything I did to help was of no avail. Nothing worked. I rummaged in my pocket looking for my mobile phone and dialled 911 and explained everything and within minutes, the scene was covered by police officers and first aiders. I was still trembling as one of the police officers took me aside and asked me what happened and I explained in every detail to what had happened and he told me to go home and get some rest, but I knew trying to sleep will be futile. I knew that I wouldn’t sleep that night, nor several nights after that, I was distressed.
It wasn’t until months later that they caught the killer and explained Amy’s tragedy to the world and the truth was bloodcurdling. The killer was nothing else than her stalker, he had never talked to Amy, neither did he have any reason to do so, he had once saw her and after that he had spent years researching her, for no reason at all, only that he was jealous of her in way’s only he understood. Everything was so terrifying, he had sites, all her private information and also pictures of Amy all stocked up in his flat. The stalker was so caught up to her he had desires to murder her. This was the horrible fact, Amy was dead and I saw it all unfold in front of my eyes and remained helpless to her death.
This encounter had affected me in way’s I couldn’t even believe, for a whole year I was afraid of getting into my car again I was shell-shocked of what had happened. I still had sleepless nights, thinking about the whole scene over and over in my mind, always helpless and knowing that I did nothing to save her, a shadow of guilt lay on me for several months I blamed myself of what happened to Amy, trusting people had become harder for me, knowing that what happened to Amy can happen to myself, the event had left me babbled and everything just got harder and harder. The trauma got heavier and heavier on my shoulders including the guilt that I had given myself. This event showed me, how life can be taken away in a second even by a man who didn’t ever speak to you. The truth was horrifying.
Now, three years later, I started getting over the traumatic event but still everything had changed in me, always observing the crowds, always in fear of what might happen next knowing that all it takes is a bullet and death will follow. This encounter with this stalker had changed me and reformed me into a completely different man; this encounter completely changed my life.
Courtney from Study Moose
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