Hello students, faculty, members of the school board, Superintendent, and parents. When I was first told that I was going to be the speaker for graduation, I was overcome. I was overcome with pride and excitement, as I’m sure we all are today as we close this chapter on our lives, but most of all, I was overcome with a feeling. A feeling that I have fooled you all into electing a Canadian to speak on this very important occasion. (Canadian Accent) I bet about now, you are all finally realizing just what it is you’ve done, eh?
But it’s too late, eh? I can’t be stopped…. (Drape Canadian flag over top of podium) The rich history of Canada is a very long and interesting one. One that begins in the early years of. … (Trail off and give a moment of thought)” **remove flag” or better yet have someone do it for you. ) Seriously though, after I got over my initial reaction, I realized that this was going to be a very difficult undertaking. So I did what any teen-age boy would do in a similar situation. I turn to my friends!
I received two pieces of advice that not only helped me with the situation at hand, but I feel will be the predominant source of motivation for the next big step in my life and everything that follows thereafter. These two pieces of advice were. (Hold up palms with numbers inked on them) No. 1: Don’t Screw up! No. 2: Be Funny! Obviously after these two gems of advice, I was prepared to write a stunning and powerful speech that will remain with every one of us till the day we die.
Or at least until one of the real speakers come up here and says something meaningful. It’s hard to believe that we’ll all be leaving this place finally. It is even harder to believe that from now on, we’re going to pretty much have to fend for ourselves. I think that whether we know it or not, we’ve gained a lot of the tools that we’ll need to make it out there, right here at Welch. Personally, I’ve learned some of the most important messages of my life within these hallowed halls.
I’ve learned that it’s important to walk the road less traveled, because after a while, running down freshman in the packed hallways just loses some of its appeal. I’ve learned that no matter how good an idea may seem at the time, sometimes a giant metal dollar sundial that never sees the sun, could possibly be a bad idea! I’ve learned the importance of sticking strong to your ideals and not giving in to peer pressure, because we have to be ourselves, we have to think with our own mind! (look over at Mr. Quinn)
Is that good Quinn? Is, is that all right? Oh, ok. And no matter who’s doing it! Dammit! We will NOT CHEER! Finally, and probably most importantly, from the ever vigilant and all knowing administration, I’ve learned that a girl’s belly button is a dangerous and powerful thing that should be covered, feared, contained, kept from the world, for the good of all people everywhere. If you are able to decipher any sort of message out of what I’m saying today at all, it should be that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously.
When we’re all off in college, or working at our jobs, or still living off of our parents, and we look back on our lives here at E-W, we’re not going to remember the tests we aced, or the classes we took, or the endless nights in front of a computer screen. But instead we’re going to remember the good times we had, the parties, the laughs we shared, but most of all, we’ll remember the people we knew. I was once told that you’re only as good as the people that you surround yourself with.
Well, there is not a higher caliber of people that I would rather surround myself with then you all sitting in front of me today. I am proud to say that I was a part of the Welch Class of 2006. Don’t ever forget where you came from, and always remember all of the great and unique people that you shared your four years with, and when we all come back and see each other again for our 20-year reunion, there are going to be all sorts of surprises. By that time Charlie Guo will probably be ruling the world with an iron fist, Katherine Piercy will be the new reigning arm wrestling champion of the world.
Jon Goodwin will have his very own morning talk show called “Wake up with a cup of Jon”, Kamiya Woodard will be the new host of “The Weakest Link” and rename it “Man! You don’t know what you talking about! ” Eunice Song will be… well, let’s be honest, there really isn’t much hope for Eunice, (turn to Eunice) Eunice I guess you should have just tried a little harder. The entire cheerleading squad will find a permanent role on the “Young and The Restless”, when the director is surprised to find that intense daytime drama comes surprisingly easy to them.
Finally, as I’ve been saying for four years now, we’ll all be shaking the hand of our President of the United States…. Steve Brown. If you don’t remember a single word of what I’ve said up here today, just remember this: Jobs, houses, money, and success will all come and go, but the one thing that nobody can ever take away from you are the good times and good friends you have had here at E-W. So in closing, I only have one more thing to say, on request from Blair Hanberg, I leave you all with “MEOW! “